Saturday, 18 June 2011

The Jezabels

If you're not an Australian (and even if you are) there's probably a fair chance that you've never heard of these guys.

I was listening to them religiously a while ago, but its been a good 6 months since I've blasted a tune of theirs into my ears or over some loudspeakers... and having just played a few of their songs again, they're even better than I remember!

They haven't even released their debut album yet, but if their EP's are anything to go by, it should be pretty amazing! (maybe not now that I've jinxed them though....)

Anyway, have a listen and let me know what you think. And yes, I will think less of you if you don't love them (just telling it like it is).

With regards to the moronic aspects of this blog, tonight's post is merely a mini reprieve. There'll be plenty more posts over the coming days to satisfy your appetite. Until then, enjoy (or don't enjoy) the tunes.

Friday, 17 June 2011

Mark Gormley: Genius

I've decided to take a break from focusing on the morons of this world and instead pay homage to a true genius, Mark Gormley.

It takes nothing other than exceptional talent to present oneself in the manner in which Mark has been able to, and for his efforts, he's definitely earned my adoration. Be warned though, the comic "intensity" on display in the video below is so amazing that it may leave you being unable to find anything else funny ever again...

For the sake of my mental health, if you know of any other similarly talented individuals out there, then I'd definitely appreciate you letting me know!

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Moron of the Day: Brock Anton

Brock Anton's awesome adventures in Vancouver

Well done Brock, you've made the list! Enjoy the follow up from the Vancouver PD!

For something that's not moronic (definitely a change for this blog!) check out: The Jezabels

Top 10 Morons

Ah, a list post. A blog simply isn't a blog without this definitive piece of e-penmanship (don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise). The fact that I’ve allowed this blog to exist in cyberspace for well over a week without one is a massive blight to my honour. Forgiver-ness Prease.
Anyway, without further waffling, and without actually being a fan of compiling/writing lists (lists exude organisation skills, and I hate being organised), here’s a top 10 of all things moronic.

1. Politicians
How could I compile a list about anything and everything that’s moronic without having politicians positioned squarely at the top? Well, I’m sure I could just do it exactly like I’m doing now, only not actually put “politicians” at the top… that’s how.
But then this list wouldn’t be the list that it is… and that’d clearly be a terrible thing given that I so strongly believe that every single individual who has ever held office is a moron. I mean, what politician have you ever felt an affinity for without at some point being let down by the way in which they acted or spoke ill of something? Politics is just one big game where the aim is to never tell the truth about what your intentions are and to attack the credibility of anyone and everyone that doesn’t play for your team. Bunch of morons, ‘nuff said.

2. Excessively happy/enthusiastic people
            Nothing I hate more than people who are always happy and overly enthusiastic about everything. You know where you can take that smile of yours? You can take it to the land of Fuck Off!
I obviously sound like the biggest grinch imaginable, but hey, that’s me. Really though, there’s a limit, and I’m not rousing on happiness in general… Just the people who take it to the extremes for fear that the god of retribution will smite them on the spot for having lips that are not in an upturned position at all times. Morons.

3. Clueless Activists
            I’ve already hinted at my aversion to individuals such as this. @SallyRHill actually made it to be my first “Moron of the Day” for her mistake of trying to rally support for a cause in which her facts were completely wrong. Even though she was trying to rally support for a worthy cause (that’s just my opinion), I don’t appreciate people trying to educate others with faulty information. Next time you develop a passing interest in something, try actually reading more than the headline before bombarding us with information on how amazing it is, moron!

4. Incessant Facebook Updaters
            Oh wow, you’ve just been the 2nd person ever to successfully free dive to a depth of 200 metres… Or woopdy doo, you just made a huge breakthrough in your research to develop a vaccine for Malaria… And yeah, I’m sure you are “stoked” that you scored the winning goal to win the Stanley Cup.
Next time though, spare me the details. Sheesh.

5. Mirror Junkies (aka pseudo-Gym Junkies)
            It’s not even a subtle glance for a lot of these people. I swear that half the members at most modern gyms must only lift weights for 5 to 10 minutes and then spend the rest of their 90-minute session checking themselves out at every conceivable angle. Never mind the quality of the equipment, or the various classes on offer. The only thing these guys need (and yes, they’re mainly guys) is floor to ceiling mirrors on every wall. Morons.

6. Non Indicators
            Few things annoy me more than when you’re driving along, bopping your head to some amazing tune…. {Well, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want….I wanna, I wanna, I wanna… really really really want a zigzag ahhhhhh} …When all of a sudden, some inconsiderate fellow road user decides to merge right in front of you without even having the courtesy to throw on their indicator. Seriously, how hard is it to flick your wrist up or down, you moron?!?

7. Internet Marketers
            Maybe I’m just jealous that these guys are so effectively making big bucks off the moronic masses when I’m not… Actually, that’s exactly what it is!
Whatever… bloody morons!

8. Journalists
            Was Journalism ever a noble/respected industry? I’m kind of on the fence with this one to be honest. There are some very insightful and smart people that do bring a heap of credit to themselves and this industry.
Still though, the majority are a bunch of moronic idiots who consistently focus on issues that appeal to the lowest common denominator. So yeah, they make my list with a dishonourable mention. Morons.

9. Rain
            Seriously rain, why are you such a moron? Yeah, you heard me. Everyone’s sick to death of you and yet you still persist with your annoying ways whenever you get the chance. Jerk.
No, I’m being harsh. Must be the fact that I’m compiling this list that has left me feeling jaded with regards to pretty much everything. Yes, you can be unwelcome at times, but the fact that you’re able to crash quietly on my roof and whip yourself at my window on occasions when I’m falling asleep is just fine with me. Continue being awesome Monsieur Rain.

10. Mormons
Well, how could you not think of moronic behaviour when you hear of morons…. Err, I mean Mormons. Moron… Mormon… Moron… Mormon. Give it a few years and both these words will probably evolve into meaning the same thing. In my mind, they’re already there. “Mormon” is basically my go to insult word for anyone doing anything moronic. I would’ve called my blog Method to my Mormon, but I don’t think the rest of the world uses both these words as interchangeably as I do (yet). Seriously though, people actually believed Joseph Smith and what he wrote and talked about? What a bunch of Mormons!

Well that’s it then, and as is clearly evident, I've taken care to not generalise or stereotype with regards to an entire group or class of people.... An ethical Top 10 if you will, and one in which I hope has whet your moronic appetite. Sorry, Mormonic appetite.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Moron of the Day: @SallyRHill

Ok, moron is harsh... but this is the moron blog so unfortunately Sally R Hill gets lumped in with the overarching theme.

Anyway, Sally has started a campaign to encourage the Australian government to invest in a High Speed Rail system (HSR) that would run from Melbourne to the Sunshine Coast.

Sally's HSR Campaign

I'd be so keen to see a HSR system built in Australia!.... I've only ever been on the one in Japan (the Shinkanzen, aka Bullet Train), but it was epic. Super efficient. Super fast. Awesome!

Unfortunately though (and this is just the realist in me coming out), I find it hard to envision that Australia could ever afford one. 20 million tax payers and huge land distances just don't go well together when it comes to HSR.

Sally isn't really a moron, but she's committed the fatal all time dummy move of not researching what it is she's campaigning about. In her campaign email that she's encouraging as many of you to send to government officials as possible, Sally has referenced that the cost of building a Melbourne to Brisbane HSR would be $13billion.
Hmmm, maybe Sally should have kept reading past the executive summary of Infrastructure Australia's report?...
The $13b figure relates to the cost of the acquisition of land required only and doesn't take into account the act of actually building the damn thing. This same report indicates that the cost of building a HSR from Melbourne to the Sunshine Coast would be $80billion!

I'm all for campaigning about whatever it is that you're passionate about, but if you're going to do so at least take the time to get your facts straight!

...Otherwise people will think that you're a dummy.

[Feel free to twitter Sally: @Sallyrhill]

HoverBike Inventor: Certified Moron

Hoverbike SMH Article

This thing will never get off the ground! Ok literally, it probably will... but thats not to say that you're guarenteed of a landing that doesn't involve your head being the first thing to hit the pavement.
Metaphorically though... no, no and no!

The concept is so freakin' cool! Zipping around through the clouds to work... nah, screw work. Somewhere awesome?.... Fuck. It doesn't matter really because no matter where you end up the journey is going to be 100 times better than the destination.
But even if that insane contraption could actually fly, there's simply no way a thing like that could ever be certified as being safe.

Yes, we all saw Back to the Future, and I'm sure some people are still at a loss as to why the hell the first flying cars haven't turned up yet?... Simple reason really: When something goes wrong with your car, it simply conks out and rolls to a stop. When something goes wrong with your flying car, it simply conks out and then plummets to the ground at terminal velocity.


These moronic flying car or flying bike contraptions show up in the news every so often, but like the many before it, this one will fall by the wayside too. Makes for a cool little 30 second news segment but ultimately, this guys going to have to solve a ridiculous amount of safety issues if he's ever allowed to sell one legally.
...And something tells me that a guy who invents a vehicle that is essentially two high powered rotor blades attached to a seat and handlebar isn't going to solve those said issues anytime soon.

Sorry mate... nice try.

Yes, another dream quashed and stamped all over. My work here is done.

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Moronic Exploits 1: Believing the Hype

Having been on this earth for well over two decades now, I'm well aware of the inherent cynicism that seems to permeate my brain. I'm sure at least a small part can be attributed to my surroundings, how I was brought up, and yada yada yada, but I'm pretty sure its just hard-wired into who I am and not really dependent on those things much at all. I mean, I've grown up middle class and white, which is about as privileged and fortunate as anyone could hope to be and yet I'm still brimming with cynicism.... Even if I grew up as a member of the nobility in the land of lollipops and puppy dogs (as gay (and now non-PC) as that sounds) I'm pretty sure that I'd still be the cynic that I am today.

(On the matter of PC'ness, when I said "white" above, I wasn't meaning to denounce other races/nationalities (with the exception of the Dutch), I was just trying to paint a specific picture of me. We cool then? Cool.)

Anyway, back to my cynicism. It's not some overarching way of life for me. I don't sit locked up in a dark room, trolling the internet, and revelling in my ability to mock the masses; taking comfort in the blue glow of my desktop, and the knowledge that I've been able to make people cry all over the world.
But yes, it is something that's always there in the back of my mind, and sometimes very much at the forefront. Whenever I encounter information about a new product, an article, an opinion, a quote, a point of view, or a claim, my brain immediately switches into full cynic mode and screams: Bullshit!

This can be an annoying first point of call because underneath this underlying scepticism of mine is the belief that the power of positive thinking is something that can have a profound influence on the way we live our lives (but not by way of "The Secret"... that's clearly bullshit!). Despite being at odds with myself on this point and sometimes wishing that I was able to accept certain things at face value more readily, when it comes down to it, I'm incredibly grateful that I am in fact a cynic.

Which brings me to the title of this post, "Believing the Hype". How is it that people are so gullible? So moronic? So stupid when it comes to detecting even the most ridiculous cases of farce?

Really? I'm the 1,000,000th visitor to your website and all I have to do is send you my credit card details and you'll express post my prize? Wow, talk about lucky!
To be honest, I have no idea how pop-up ads like that work, but they must be turning a profit from enough of the internet population to justify paying Google for the ad space. They've obviously become more sophisticated over the past few years, but I'm still at a loss as to how anyone would ever fall victim to them, and yet people obviously do in large numbers on a daily basis.

Yep, there's a sucker born every minute and a lot of people sadly, are morons. If only the world was injected with a little more cynicism... What a wonderful place it could be!

Internet marketing scams such as these are small change though, and don't really do the title of this post justice. Whole industries, and various groups, agencies and governments devote themselves to selling hype to win influence, and profit from the ignorant masses. The most frustrating aspect being that they're actually able to succeed!
When it comes to the corporate world, the pursuit of the almighty dollar is obviously the impetus that any company has to "sell" to us, but as individuals, we really only have ourselves to blame when we hand over our money for products or services that weren't as valued as we were lead to believe. Every time we fork over cash and later (or sometimes immediately) feel burned, it should serve as a lesson. It's all too easy to be exploited like this and something that we're all undoubtedly guilty of, but there is no surer sign of being a moron than continuing to let yourself be taken advantage of.

Examples of people "believing the hype" are almost entrenched into the way we as individuals operate; its almost too easy when it comes to how easily many of us can be manipulated.
Case in point is the issue of global warming. No matter what you believe (and for what its worth, belief doesn't come into it in my opinion... Its simply science), most free thinking people out there base their "belief" in the information and misinformation of whoever it is that has an influence on them. The vast majority don't even bother to research or find out about the issue, and instead align themselves with whatever groups that they are somehow able to relate to. Maybe moronic is a bit harsh, but simplistic fits nicely. This fact can be somewhat forgiven if you don't really feel the issue is that important to you, but it becomes truly moronic when you get people who decide to become activists for either side without first finding out the facts for themselves. Yep, nothing more annoying than clueless activists!

I've kind of prattled on quite a bit for a blog post. The last thing that I want for this to become is some sort of Plato like Symposium (I should be so lucky!) or essay. Needless to say though, believing the hype is something that shares an extremely close affinity with our inner moron. Everyone's guilty of it at times, but by unleashing your inner cynic (everyone will love you for it), you might avoid the pain of being burned and instead be showered with glory and awesomeness... But probably not.

Feel free to let me know of any situations where you've believed the hype, and how it ended up turning out for you.