Thursday, 16 June 2011

Top 10 Morons

Ah, a list post. A blog simply isn't a blog without this definitive piece of e-penmanship (don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise). The fact that I’ve allowed this blog to exist in cyberspace for well over a week without one is a massive blight to my honour. Forgiver-ness Prease.
Anyway, without further waffling, and without actually being a fan of compiling/writing lists (lists exude organisation skills, and I hate being organised), here’s a top 10 of all things moronic.

1. Politicians
How could I compile a list about anything and everything that’s moronic without having politicians positioned squarely at the top? Well, I’m sure I could just do it exactly like I’m doing now, only not actually put “politicians” at the top… that’s how.
But then this list wouldn’t be the list that it is… and that’d clearly be a terrible thing given that I so strongly believe that every single individual who has ever held office is a moron. I mean, what politician have you ever felt an affinity for without at some point being let down by the way in which they acted or spoke ill of something? Politics is just one big game where the aim is to never tell the truth about what your intentions are and to attack the credibility of anyone and everyone that doesn’t play for your team. Bunch of morons, ‘nuff said.

2. Excessively happy/enthusiastic people
            Nothing I hate more than people who are always happy and overly enthusiastic about everything. You know where you can take that smile of yours? You can take it to the land of Fuck Off!
I obviously sound like the biggest grinch imaginable, but hey, that’s me. Really though, there’s a limit, and I’m not rousing on happiness in general… Just the people who take it to the extremes for fear that the god of retribution will smite them on the spot for having lips that are not in an upturned position at all times. Morons.

3. Clueless Activists
            I’ve already hinted at my aversion to individuals such as this. @SallyRHill actually made it to be my first “Moron of the Day” for her mistake of trying to rally support for a cause in which her facts were completely wrong. Even though she was trying to rally support for a worthy cause (that’s just my opinion), I don’t appreciate people trying to educate others with faulty information. Next time you develop a passing interest in something, try actually reading more than the headline before bombarding us with information on how amazing it is, moron!

4. Incessant Facebook Updaters
            Oh wow, you’ve just been the 2nd person ever to successfully free dive to a depth of 200 metres… Or woopdy doo, you just made a huge breakthrough in your research to develop a vaccine for Malaria… And yeah, I’m sure you are “stoked” that you scored the winning goal to win the Stanley Cup.
Next time though, spare me the details. Sheesh.

5. Mirror Junkies (aka pseudo-Gym Junkies)
            It’s not even a subtle glance for a lot of these people. I swear that half the members at most modern gyms must only lift weights for 5 to 10 minutes and then spend the rest of their 90-minute session checking themselves out at every conceivable angle. Never mind the quality of the equipment, or the various classes on offer. The only thing these guys need (and yes, they’re mainly guys) is floor to ceiling mirrors on every wall. Morons.

6. Non Indicators
            Few things annoy me more than when you’re driving along, bopping your head to some amazing tune…. {Well, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want….I wanna, I wanna, I wanna… really really really want a zigzag ahhhhhh} …When all of a sudden, some inconsiderate fellow road user decides to merge right in front of you without even having the courtesy to throw on their indicator. Seriously, how hard is it to flick your wrist up or down, you moron?!?

7. Internet Marketers
            Maybe I’m just jealous that these guys are so effectively making big bucks off the moronic masses when I’m not… Actually, that’s exactly what it is!
Whatever… bloody morons!

8. Journalists
            Was Journalism ever a noble/respected industry? I’m kind of on the fence with this one to be honest. There are some very insightful and smart people that do bring a heap of credit to themselves and this industry.
Still though, the majority are a bunch of moronic idiots who consistently focus on issues that appeal to the lowest common denominator. So yeah, they make my list with a dishonourable mention. Morons.

9. Rain
            Seriously rain, why are you such a moron? Yeah, you heard me. Everyone’s sick to death of you and yet you still persist with your annoying ways whenever you get the chance. Jerk.
No, I’m being harsh. Must be the fact that I’m compiling this list that has left me feeling jaded with regards to pretty much everything. Yes, you can be unwelcome at times, but the fact that you’re able to crash quietly on my roof and whip yourself at my window on occasions when I’m falling asleep is just fine with me. Continue being awesome Monsieur Rain.

10. Mormons
Well, how could you not think of moronic behaviour when you hear of morons…. Err, I mean Mormons. Moron… Mormon… Moron… Mormon. Give it a few years and both these words will probably evolve into meaning the same thing. In my mind, they’re already there. “Mormon” is basically my go to insult word for anyone doing anything moronic. I would’ve called my blog Method to my Mormon, but I don’t think the rest of the world uses both these words as interchangeably as I do (yet). Seriously though, people actually believed Joseph Smith and what he wrote and talked about? What a bunch of Mormons!

Well that’s it then, and as is clearly evident, I've taken care to not generalise or stereotype with regards to an entire group or class of people.... An ethical Top 10 if you will, and one in which I hope has whet your moronic appetite. Sorry, Mormonic appetite.